Hello! My name is Dee Davis and I am under construction. I am currently in my room resting during a leadership retreat break and I felt the need to journal which turned into this blog.
You may be thinking, what a way to begin a blog! Nevertheless, the statement holds true.
Since the beginning of 2022, I have been on the quest of knowing myself. Trust me, it has NOT been a journey without bumps, bruises, pain, or sorrows. But at the same time, it has also been a journey of discovery, a lot of breathing, exhaling, unexpected joy, and relief! Whew, and there is still more!
Determined not to enter into 2023 carrying the same baggage I have dragged around for years past;
I see and feel a change taking place. You see, one of the things I struggle with is traits of perfectionism. “The tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation.”
For me… I pushed this mindset more on myself than others. I was afraid of failing or being seen in a negative light. I would put off and or delay certain tasks or assignments that I didn’t think I could do perfectly. And once I did begin the project, I would stress adding more pressure; and get angry at myself for how I was feeling. Learning to know me has unveiled areas in this perfectionism has affected my life; for example in relationships and ministry.
The only daughter of my mother, the former description of perfectionism would apply; demanding of others extremely high levels of performance. The subtle messages to ‘get it right’ echoed in my subconscious daily as an annoying reminder! Sometimes the messages came with…’You can do better; or do you think that is good enough; or something like…' now what am I supposed to do with this?', statement.
Knowingly or unknowingly, with the help of mentoring and counseling, I see now as an adult more clearly how it began in me. I learned certain behaviors that were shaping and molding me to be like my mom.
Some characteristics of perfectionism are…
Fear of failure
Finding fault with yourself or others
The need for control
Even… The lack of trust that someone else actually can handle the task or assignment.
Yep…that was me, and now I can do something about it!
During my morning devotion and prayer, I read a beautiful passage in the book of Psalms.
“V30 As for God, His way is perfect; The Word of the Lord is proven; He is a shield to all who trust in Him. V31 For who is God, except the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? V32 It is God who arms me with strength, and makes my way perfect. V33 He makes my feet like the feet of deer and sets me on my high places. V34 He teaches my hands to make war So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. V35 You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your right hand has held me up, and Your gentleness has made me great. V36 You enlarged my path under me, so my feet did not slip!”
Psalms 18:30-36 NKJV.
The entire chapter is simply beautiful and encouraging to me, especially now!
I love the imagery and can connect with what David wanted to convey to the reader! God is a shield! God is a rock! and then verse 32 hit me. ‘God arms me (equips me) with strength, and makes (brings into being…forming, shaping) my way… perfect!’ Wow!
I have read and heard people quote this scripture in prayer many times! But today it touched me in a deeper and more profound way.
Mary Beth Thomas wrote: "God doesn't promise to make my way problem-free with every ‘I’ dotted and every ‘T’ crossed (my definition of perfect), but He does promise that it will be the way that is perfect for me."
With this blessed assurance I am reminded God’s plan for me is intentionally designed for me! And when I became aware of the unnecessary perfectionism pressure I allowed to dictate my life for so many years; I saw how it opened the door to low self-esteem, procrastination, anxiety, shame, and fear.
It is now up to me to continue on my journey of knowing myself!
If you see yourself in any of the above traits of perfectionism, you don’t have to let it continue! Find a mentor or coach to help you overcome and become a better version of yourself!
I did. I am, and I will be a better version of myself!